In Defence Of The Indefencible

In the UK there is a ludicrous political party called the BNP. They are trying to be the respectable face of the National Front (people too fucking thick for the BNP), Combat 18 (people too fucking thick for the National Front), or the Nazis, but merely come across as a laughable, backwards, confused party. Unfortunately, some people in the UK who are entitled to vote are as thick as absolute fuck, too, and they have been voted for.

On June 9th, the BNP fuhrer, Michael-Myers-from-Halloween-faced-gargoyle, Nick Fucking Griffin was pelted with eggs as he tried to hold a press conference outside the houses of Parliament. This was a breathtakingly poorly thought out attack. UAF, the well meaning but flawed organisation behind the attack should be embarrassed and ashamed, despite their best intentions.

Nick Fucking Griffin, yesterday

Due to the UK’s draconian stance on free speech (enshrined as it is in the European Convention, under article 10 of the Human Rights Act), unfortunately, everyone is entitled to freedom of expression. This means that the individuals who threw an egg (please note; AN egg, singular. Not the peltings that most of the press describes.) at Nick Fucking Griffin and his equally contemptible, cuntwitted sidekicks were attacking free speech. Attacking free speech is a form of censorship. And this is NOT something that anyone should be encouraging.

I Disagree Entirely With What You Say, But I Would Fight To The Death To Uphold Your Right To Say It - Voltaire
We have to argue for these fucktard’s right to say what they believe. Just because we defend a persons right to say things, does not mean we agree with them, nor does it mean that we are defending their right to act. An act of violence or subjugation is wrong and we can condemn this.

Donna Guthrie from UAF says that they believe in free speech, but not for fascists, which to my mind puts them in an awkward situation. You cannot put caveats on free speech. You believe in it, or you don’t. If you stop people from saying what they believe because you disagree with it then you are at the top of a very slippery slope (bear in mind here that I am talking about expressing beliefs, not inciting violence. A person should be allowed to believe that white people are better than black or Asian people, or that their holy book is the only one that is the true word of God, but no one should be allowed to act out or incite violence based on these beliefs. While we are on the subject, people should also be prepared to be ridiculed for their beliefs, too. If you have chosen it, it is fair game.). Already in the UK people are being arrested and imprisoned for merely possessing or writing material that is considered offensive or inflammatory without actually harming another human being.

A wiser man than me once said “Don’t use violence against these people, it is their native tongue.” and he was absolutely right. In this hour we should turn to our greatest weapon; comedy. These people can be made to look like the clowns they are with negligible effort, let’s not forget that throughout WWII satires and parodies of the Nazis were continually being churned out and lapped up. Even Hitler watched The Great Dictator.

Mr. A. Hitler, yesterday

Give ‘Em Enough Rope
The more Nick Fucking Griffin and his merry band of pranksters are allowed to say, the more ridiculous they will appear. Their laughable policies simply will not stand up to scrutiny. Peter Fucking Davies (an English Democrat MP, a party with links to the BNP), the new Mayor of Doncaster, promised in his manifesto to (i)Get rid of PC jobs, (ii) to cancel funding for Doncaster’s Gay Pride, (iii)to cut funding for translators for non-English speakers and (iv) to cut the number of councillors from 60 to 20. Some very bold statements that, unfortunately got him elected. It is quite likely that Peter Fucking Davies will end up looking an utter cunt, not only to those who oppose him, but also to those who elected him as, from the top (i) When questioned he could only name one ‘PC job’, that of Diversity Officer. When asked whether or not the current Diversity Officer should bother going into work he spluttered and mumbled that he was currently still employed. (ii) When asked how much funding the council supplied to Pride, he was clueless. When asked if he knew how much money Pride, an event that brought over eight thousand people to the streets, brought into the town he was again, clueless. So he wants to cancel an event  that he has no idea of the cost of, and no idea of the value of. Not the wisest move in these economic times. (iii) Quite simply, he can’t do this, because it is illegal. (iv) Again, this is something that he simply cannot do. He cannot just fire these people. He has to ask them to step down. Peter Fucking Davies and his ridiculous party have done this all by themselves, and no one had to debase themselves by chucking an egg at the prick.

Be seeing you…

Of late, wherefore I know not, bullying has slipped somewhat from the national curriculum. This is, in and of itself, not that bad a thing. Those of you around my age (58) will look back fondly on halcyon days spent  having ones head flushed down toilets, double physics, and being crucified behind the temporary classrooms every Easter. Four or five kicks to the nuts and face, apart from seriously inhibiting my ability to breed and speak, never really did me any harm.

School, yesterday

Any fule kno that the most negative aspect of the downturn in professional bullying is the DIRECTLY inversely proportional rise in morbidly obese children. This then also leads to a rise in peadophilia, plump children, whilst less desirable that attractive ones, are much easier to catch. A rudimentary trap baited with half a pack of supermarket brand cheese and onion crisps is more than good enough.

An explanatory graph, yesterday

Imagine, if you can, a world of slim care free children with come hither eyes, gallivanting o’er hill and dale, carrying a little extra pocket money to pay protection to good old fashioned tormentors with names like Gripper, Crusher, or Flashman.

We can make this happen. We can make the difference ourselves by persecuting the fat mercilessly and without respite. Remember that morally, it is fine as these children have made a conscious decision to gain weight. I would recommend simple beatings to start with, we want to break them in gently, not break them in half, followed by verbal insults, insinuations that their parent’s don’t love them, head flushings and forcing food, mud and broken glass in their mouths if they are “So keen on food.” And yes, we will lose one or two of them to suicide but you can’t make an omelette with out breaking a few legs. Those that get their heads down, knuckle down into not eating so much will be so much the better for it. They will be slimmer, healthier, better looking people with come hither eyes, and they will thank you for it, just the kids in Sleepers thanked Kevin Bacon for toughening them up.

That which does not kill you, serves only to make you stronger.
Except polio.

Yeah that’s right, Abi Titmuss. She of the menacing vagina. I had no opinion whatsoever on Titmuss other than to think she had an amusing surname until Celebrity Come Dine With Me featuring her, the dignityphobic rent-a-quote Paul (neither as good nor popular as his brother, Jonathan) Ross, Rodney Marsh (most famous for appearing on the front cover of Definitely Maybe), one time page 3 stunna, Linda Lusardi and Dorien from Birds Of A Feather.

Rodney Marsh, somewhere, yesterday

Titmuss came across as the only likable person out of this shower of cunts, what with Marsh being a boorish ignoramus (most famous for playing for the Tampa Bay Rowdies), Lusardi being a frame to hang a pair of knockers on, Dorien coming across as the charmless harpy she so obviously is (a charmless harpy with no noticeable sense of decorum, to boot.), and listening to Paul Ross spout turgid shit directly into my face was, as usual about as much fun as hammering an albatross into yr own anus with a table tennis bat.

Titmuss’ media training has set her in good stead for dealing with people like this, perfecting a beneficent smile that, like Lady Di’s, verges on the patronizing, but never quite topples in. She was charming, witty and erudite throughout. Being positive and complimentary even to the food that Dorien served up which in fairness, I wouldn’t feed to a fucking dog.

The new Princess Of Hearts, yesterday

The rest were typical D or E list *ahem* celebrities (is it right to refer to three has-beens and a journalist as celebrities? It sticks in my craw, somewhat.) in that the squawking and squealing they perform was solely to draw attention to themselves. Pretending that they “just one of those people who speaks as they find” as if they deserve some sort of fucking medal for being rude and obnoxious. People who speak as they find are, in my experience, borderline autistic or severely emotionally handicapped. Most of us have a mental filter so we can work out what will be offensive and what won’t. For example, Ross, I probably wouldn’t say to someone who had gone to the trouble of making me a fantastic meal that I thought the starter and canapes were lazy.

So anyway, Abi. Since watching this I have done a little research into her with the help of the ever reliable Google and Wiki and I’ve read her mucky book, which I found rather tame. Disappointing. She does seem incredibly well balanced, considering the path which has lead her to this point and she has a sense of her position in the universe which many of the long term or terminally famous lose (presumably after years of being surrounded by people telling you yr shit doesn’t stink), and it’s nice to see.

I for one have already placed an order for thousands of white roses to be delivered to the door of her house on the day she is killed in a car crash under Paris.

It might be, perhaps, slightly awkward at family gatherings, bumping into relatives who live over seas who she hasn’t seen for ages.
“Hello, Abi. How are you? Still with that nice John Leslie?”
“No, no. We split up.”
“Oh I am sorry to hear that. What happened?”
“Umm, bit awkward. He was accused of raping Ulrika Johnson and the started taking tons of coke.”
…
Uncomfortable pause.
…
“Never mind, eh? Still nursing, are you? Still you, know, contributing to the world of medicine, making the world a better place?”
“Ummm. No, I knocked that on the head, too.”
“Oh. So what are you doing now?”
“Well I do a lot of glamour modeling, I presented a show on a porn channel, released a soft porn DVD and wrote a book of filthy stories.”
…
“Right. Umm, nice to see you again, Abi, but I think I should go and speak to yr mum about some… stuff.”

Be seeing you…